Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize