I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
