I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
