the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
don't judge my taste in strippers
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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