If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There's always time for handjobs
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
