Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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