Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
