When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize