even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Bring me that man meat
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
