I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Help. Why am I so naked?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
