If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
