I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we made out on top of his cat.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
