worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
