I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
