I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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