My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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