Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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