If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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