Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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