Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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