Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
