Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
