About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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