Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
