I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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