Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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