I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
nutella sex= disaster
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
