i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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