I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
