So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
