Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
