Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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