Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
