you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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