Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
