when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Found the puke drawer
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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