He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
