Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
