At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
