Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
