On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
