he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
