what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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