Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
