yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
