I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
