please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
