I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize