I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
