Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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