i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
