Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
