Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I pour the whiskey from now on
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
