I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
