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I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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