then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize