you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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