who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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