Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
