you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
