Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
