Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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