Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
