Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
