I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
