Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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