meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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