sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
