I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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