god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
