I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Of course I have a pirate flag
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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