I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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