billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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