From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize