i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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