Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i came on her dog
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
