He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
