Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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