90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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