Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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