i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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