I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
