Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
and you fell through a lawn chair
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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