1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
