remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
