Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
