you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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