yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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