Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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